It was mid-December, and the morning announcements spoke of a lunch hour pep rally for the upcoming basketball game. They also mentioned the judging of the annual Christmas Door Decorating Contest at the end of the week in which each homeroom decorated their door to reflect a Christmas theme. My homeroom was choir, and my … Read morePep Rally Poison
The end of December brings my birthday and the annual notable deaths wrap-up of expired celebrities, scientists, politicians, and famous ne’er-do-wells. I usually forgot most were still alive. I check the ages, and most are reassuringly far from mine. But some are much too close. Will my life merit a notable death? Do I have … Read moreAnother Annual Review
The Facebook like. The happy birthday text. The ghost of a relationship long passed. Who are you now? No idea, really. When I knew you a million years ago the friendship seemed important and possibly meaningful. School-enforced proximity brought daily sightings, hellos, jokes, sometimes lunches, and always parties. Now? An itch of guilt soothed by … Read moreWeed of Loyalty
I never knew terror until her arrival. People exaggerated, I thought. The fat rolls and giggling, then crawling with gusto. A smile so sweet, never before seen on earth. Then, sitting at the table unafraid of any food, refusing help to leave her chair. Pigtails and running with glee on tiptoes to foil the Tickle … Read moreThe Gooey Center
Call me Ishmael, or Ishy for short. Winter is tough for me. I always feel a little down, which aggravates my acid reflux. I’d like to get away somewhere with a sunny beach, but I’m between gigs and unemployment won’t fund a vacation. I saw ads for work on a fishing boat, which sounds perfect. … Read more[email protected]
“How’s his mood tonight?” The sword swallower asked, nervously fiddling with his knives and blades. “Does it matter? Do your act, get the hell off the stage, and be grateful,” the juggler lamented. “It beats digging potatoes out in the snow.” “How’s the Fool doing? Many laughs?” the swallower asked. “I hear laughing, but it … Read moreYour Leg Should be Breaking
“I should be working for the Library of Congress,” Dwayne said to his dog Mr. Pickles who was busy pursuing a crumb of bacon under the stove. “I know how to catalog things, and find them again later. Sometimes years later!” Dwayne unboxed a collection of National Geographics he bought at a thrift store. Six … Read moreBibliophile of Neglect
Horace Mangrove stood at the edge of the dry goods counter, patiently waiting his turn. He observed a customer complaining about the quality of the flour purchased a week prior. “It was infested with weevils! My wife nearly died from shock as she made the morning bread and found more weevil than ground … Read moreThe Misfortune of Fortune
“Can you repeat the word please?” “Chihuahua.” “Could you use it in a sentence please?” “The Chihuahua is the smallest breed of dog.” “Chihuahua. C-h-i-h-u-a-h-u-a. Chihuahua.” “That is correct.” Natalee took her seat and focused on appearing calm. Inside, a roaring sea of panic raged, her heart beating against her chest like a rabid baboon … Read moreFailure’s Sting
Jaunty. Surefire. Full of brass. That’s how people described Clint Burnish. His hair and eyebrows stood straight out as if made of brick clay pushed through a sieve. He bathed once a week, his hair shifting about like an unreliable bird’s nest. Most of the time he wore a golden corduroy suit with a matching … Read moreGift Box