Oil lamps flickered inside the Whale’s Teat filling it with dim, orange light. Black curls of smoke mixed with the peppery haze from pipes, cigars, and rolled cigarettes. A brown halo ringed the spittoons marking the patrons’ poor aim. A sour potpourri of sawdust, beer, and manure covered the floor. Every night dock workers filled the Whale’s Teat, remaining in port year-round supplying, offloading, and repairing the great whaling ships that came and went. These docked sailors accepted smaller paydays for a better chance of reaching old age. A young man with a wooly beard pulled on his concertina and a few foul notes leaked from the candy-colored box.
“Oh, for God sakes Jamie, if you’re going to kill that thing, just be done with it. I can’t stand to hear it suffer anymore!” Killeen said.
“I’m just warming her up,” Jamie replied.
“Try warming her on the fire. Maybe that will sweeten her song a bit,” Killeen taunted.
“You’ve no appreciation for the finer things. You’re a peasant and wouldn’t know culture if it thumped you on the chest!” Jamie retorted.
“Is that a threat, now? I think we’ve all had a sour bellyful of your culture,” Killeen smirked at Jamie.
Jamie again pushed and pulled on the box, ivory buttons clicking as it groaned like a harpooned whale. “It’s the damn air in here. A chimney sweep would choke on it,” Jamie complained.
“I think your little squeezebox may have the consumption, Jamie. Why don’t you let it die in peace and have a pint?” Killeen said, holding up a full glass. Jamie put the concertina in its case and took Killeen’s offer.
“So how many returned on the Good Helen today? I heard there was some trouble,” Killeen asked.
“They lost a third of the crew. Spotted a pod and dropped the boats, but the whales scattered, as did the crews. A harpooned beast capsized one of the boats, slipped the hook, and smashed the survivors into chum. The other crew gave chase to a mother and baby but lost them to rough water. The storm grew, and rescue became impossible. The ship tried to hold water but tossed about like a ball in a scrum. The captain had to raise sail and break for home. On the return, five men washed overboard.”
“Terrible. Terrible,” Killeen said, shaking his head. “Although it will put a few widows back on the market. So, there’s hope for me yet.”
“Those women are in mourning. It’s a sin to think of them like that,” Jamie scolded.
“I’m only looking to help my fellow man. Who is, in this case, a woman. What’s more Christian than that?” Killeen asked. As he took the last swallow of his pint Killeen cried out, “Argh! My leg! My damn fits are back!”
“Could you maybe use a nice tincture for that?” asked Mary Fallon at the next table, appearing through the humid haze.
“Get on with you, witch! Nobody needs your potions here!” Killeen protested.
“I know what ails you, Killeen, and I can help you. For a price,” Mary said. “Which just went up thanks to your unkind words.”
Killeen cried out again, clutching at his leg. He stood, limped down a dark hall, and disappeared through an unmarked door.
In a dry storage room smelling of cured meat and hard cheeses, Killeen pulled down his pants, struck a match, and saw the parasites poking out of his leg. Their milky-white heads tipped with eyes like tiny blood-red beads. A few dozen writhed just under his skin. The leader, larger than the rest, pushed his head through and addressed Killeen.
“What the hell are you doing out there?” the worm asked. “You think this is some kind of game? We’re on a schedule. We need to migrate.” Killeen caught his worm infestation in the West Indies while coupling with a blind, one-legged scullery maid. The parasites thrived in non-native sailors, growing to pinky size, developing eyes, and establishing a loose hierarchy. Growing largest of all, King Worms developed the ability to speak.
“I’m working up to it,” Killeen explained. “I can’t just wrestle some poor sod to the ground and have you jump on board now, can I? How would it look? Let me comfort a widow, then we’d be skin on skin and you and your friends and change homesteads while she’s asleep. Trust me. I know a thing or two about the sex arts. The widow will be sleeping like a baby when I’m through with her. Then you’ll have all the time in the world to jump ship.”
When sailors tried to rid themselves of the parasites, the worms burrowed into nerves, testicles, eyes, or any place else they could wreak havoc and force their host to capitulate. Like any creature, the worms strove to survive and grow, but with Killeen’s body riddled with syphilis, gonorrhea, tuberculosis, and cirrhosis the colony needed to evacuate their rotten home.
“We need to leave your vile body before you die. And given your habits that could be any moment,” the King Worm complained.
“Alright. I’ll take care of it tonight.”
“Any clean body will do, don’t be picky. Just get us out of this cesspool!”
“I have a zest for life, and I’ll not apologize for that!” Killeen said. As he did so, the worms moved to his kidneys for a nibble. Killeen dropped to the ground, writhing in agony.
The King Worm warned, “We don’t want to hurt you, Killeen, but you’re giving us no choice. Get it done.”
Killeen pulled up his pants and returned to his seat.
“Everything alright? You don’t look well,” Jamie asked.
“Just a spasm. They come and go, nothing to worry about. Hey, let me buy you a couple of shots. You’ve always been such a good friend to me, Jamie.”
“Killeen McCloud buying around? Now I know you’ve gone mad. But if you have the money, don’t let me get in the way of your raving,” Jamie said.
Killeen went to the bar to order the drinks. When he returned, Mary Fallon had joined them. She waved a burning bundle of dried herbs and ringlets of white smoke rolling out over the table. The smell was sweet, like orange peel and clove.
“Witch, I’ve told you we don’t need your black magic here. You’re polluting our fine drinks with your smoky voodoo.”
“Take a deep breath. I’m trying out a new blend for a hangover cure. No charge, and surely something you could use,” Mary said.
“Aye, if it will make you move on, I’ll smell your stinkweed.” Killeen took a deep breath of the sweet smoke and felt dizzy. Forgetting himself, he kept on taking deep breaths as Mary held the bundle under his nose.
Killeen slurred a bit, “I’m not feeling well. I think I better get some air.” He stood, disoriented.
“I’ll take you,” Mary offered.
“I’ll stay here with the drinks, for safe-keeping,” Jamie said, with a heavy-lidded smile.
Outside, the frigid salt air stung like a man-o-war, clearing Killeen’s head. He noticed Mary holding his arm, the two of them nestled into a carriage. He sensed an opportunity.
“Ah, Mary, I know I’ve played hard to get, but you’ve always been my favorite. I was just too shy to—”
“Shut your gob, you damn fool. I know you’ve got the worms.”
“No! Don’t say it! They’ll chew my bollocks off if I waste any more time!”
“The smoke makes them sleep. You can speak freely,” Mary replied.
“Ah Mary, this cursed life I’ve had! I’ve done no harm to anyone, and now I’ve got these terrible creatures inside me, telling me what to do!”
“You dip your cock into any warm puddle you find! And you were planning to do the same to Jamie. Sweet, innocent Jamie. You should be ashamed.”
“I am, but these little beasts have a hold on me! Quick, let’s cut them out while they’re sleeping!”
“You want me to flay you open right here? You daft fool, the only way you’ll be rid of them is to drive them out!”
“Mary, please help me!”
“Here, drink this tonic. It will finish the worms for sure,” She handed Killeen a flask, and he drained it.
“Not too bad, a bit sweet,” Killeen said.
“I add honey to make it go down smooth.”
“Something’s happening. I’m tingling all over Mary.”
“That’d be the strychnine. The cramping will soon take you over, and then you’ll stop breathing. But I added a healthy dose of opium, so it shouldn’t hurt too much.”
Killeen fell to the ground, overcome with convulsions, then went calm like a baby napping after a bottle. The King Worm wriggled out of Killeen’s nose, sluggish but still alive. “What have you done to us? Killing your own kind!”
A worm sprouted from Mary’s nose, “We want the Jamie boy, so you had to be stopped. We need all the healthy hosts we can get. We’re going to take over this land, and maybe the world!”
“You’re mad!” Killeen’s King Worm coughed, growing weary.
“We’ll see.” Mary’s worm retracted, and Mary returned to the pub at Jamie’s table.
“Where’s Killeen?” Jamie asked.
“He had to go. But why don’t we get better acquainted? Would you like another round, my dear boy?”